Scott's Spiel

I passed!

Apparently I find out on July 1st what’s happening intercalated wise.

I’m now 1 paper down with 1 to go. Only 2 hours tomorrow, compared to the 3 today. How did it go? Well…

I think I’ll agree with the majority of people that it was quite a fair paper – nothing (much) was thrown in that was tricky. Personally though I don’t think it was brilliant, there were quite a few topics that I ended up writing utter waffle about. Have I done myself justice? Probably not, I certainly didn’t feel it was the best exam I’ve sat as I looked back at the end.

After strolling around rather unimpressed with myself for a bit I found out I’ve been invited to join the admissons committee. This should be quite interesting. I offered to do it back in year 1 when it was a first come basis but I wasn’t fast enough. I’ll be keen to see what input I can have (if any).

Interestingly, speaking of things coming back around, the SRC IT co-ordinator job has been advertised again. This was something that caught my eye back in April 07(!). I went and applied for it and the process stretched until November before I was finally unsuccessful after interview. The fact it’s being advertised again suggests the person they found has also now left. Could I see this advertised again before I graduate? I haven’t applied this time, my name should be on file if they are really struggling!

Back to tomorrow I’m hoping to come out feeling happy with my attempt. Then I need to focus on the OSCE…whatever that is again.

In roughly 12 hours I’ll be sitting at a desk in the exam hall. By then I’ll have started and should have gained about 30 marks.

As I type this I’ve been looking back at how I’ve been in the years previously. I certainly feel a bit similar to last year, today I contemplated going to the gym before my exam. Think I’m going to pass on that. Unlike last year I’m not totally convinced I’ve done as much as I possibly could’ve done. And yet, for some reason, this doesn’t worry me. I can’t explain it – I should be panicking right now.

Indeed this year I feel strongly that I must do better than last. This is the one I’ve always been told is “easy” and “nothing to worry about”. Have I taken that too literally?

I feel the need to prove to those around me that I’m not just “getting by”. I do this freqently on the wards when I act very much like the geek I am. I distinctly remember the look of hatred I received earlier this year as I managed to answer about 3 questions on my own. I do care how I’m perceived by my peers and I’m glad when they know more than I do. It makes me learn. At the same time I don’t want to been seen by those teaching us as just another blank face. Especially when I know the answer.

This week is not just proving to others that I know something important, I also need to prove it to myself. There is nothing wrong with “just’ passing but to me I feel I can do more. Maybe not, I don’t know, but this week I have a chance to see. And can I, should I do poorly, act as confident as I do? What right do I have? Such questions I’ll need to answer after the results.

More is riding on this than just my pride – my career too is in the balance. To have any chance of studying for an intercalated I reckon I need at least a B. Such a thing I have never achieved so far. Can I do it this week? We’ll see.